How to Manage Your Emotions in a Divorce

How to Take an Objective View of Your Divorce Case

It’s estimated that the divorce rate in the United States is 40 to 50 percent or higher. If your marriage ends in divorce, then it’s important to manage your emotions in an effort to get through the process in a timely manner.

What Does State Law Say?

State law will play a role in how a divorce settlement is structured. For instance, it will likely determine how to resolve questions related to:

  • Alimony
  • Child support
  • Visitation and custody rights

Therefore, you may need to be ready to negotiate with your former spouse regardless of how you feel about that person. In many cases, being ready to negotiate in good faith can make the divorce process easier from an emotional standpoint. It can also be easier on your children to see their parents working together as opposed to being inflexible on minor and major issues alike.

Build a Support Team

A potentially effective way to get through a divorce without letting your emotions take over is to create a support team. The support team can include your divorce attorney, but it’s more likely to consist of close friends and a mental health professional. The goal of your support team is to be there for you when you’re feeling overwhelmed or vulnerable. When you have a friend or therapist to talk to about your problems, you’re less likely to go off on your spouse or vent in front of your children.

Create a Financial Team

Your financial team will consist of a financial planner, an accountant, and anyone else who can help you decide which assets to claim in a divorce settlement. It’s possible that your attorney is part of this team or will recommend individuals to help fill it out. This group can help you answer a variety of questions such as whether it’s worthwhile to take the house or ask for funds in a retirement account instead of a cash distribution. In addition, a financial adviser may be able to help you create a budget that addresses your needs and goals after the divorce is finalized.

Try to Empathize With Your Spouse

You’ll have financial and emotional wants and needs after your marriage comes to an end. The same will be true of your spouse. If you can empathize with this person, then it may be possible to create a settlement that allows both parties to walk away from talks content with what they have. This may mean only asking for joint custody of the kids instead of sole custody. It could also mean splitting marital property 50/50 instead of asking for the home and all the money in the marital bank account.

Negotiate the Divorce Settlement Before it Happens

A divorce settlement is something that you might want to consider negotiating before the divorce even happens. With a prenuptial agreement, you and your spouse work out ahead of time how assets are split if the marriage fails. It can also spell out how debts are split and how the children will be raised. It’s worth noting that any parenting plans would likely need to be approved by a judge before it becomes binding.

However, the law generally prefers that parents create a parenting plan on their own, and doing so can give them more control over the process. A Bergen County divorce lawyer may be able to review such a document before you sign it to determine its validity. It may be a good idea to have a lawyer check it again prior to the divorce.

If you’re in need of a Bergen County divorce lawyer, call the Law Offices of Kelly Berton Rocco in Hackensack today at 201-343-0078. You can also reach the office by sending a fax to 201-343-0089 or by sending an email to

Like the article? Please share