Why So Many Couples Divorce After 8 Years
Why Many First Marriages End in Divorce After 8 Years
Statistics show that the average length of marriage before divorce is around eight years in the United States, where around 47% to 50% of all unions end in divorce. Reasons for divorce tend to compile over time, and many divorcing couples report a combination of factors that led to the end of their relationship.
In the early stages of relationships, communication thrives as partners can never seem to listen to one another enough. There is always something new to discover about the other person; over time, communication can wane as couples grow closer and feel less need to share everything with one another.
When the marriage’s routine is settled, many couples find themselves having the same conversations over and over again, ultimately bored by the same topics and feeling under-stimulated by the relationship.
When children are added into the mix, communication can be even harder as the focus is shifted off the relationship and onto the family. If you and your spouse have different parenting styles, then you may find yourself frequently arguing or growing apart as you struggle to compromise.
Poor communication ultimately causes anger to turn into resentment, which can lead to arguments later. Many other couples do not ever argue; they simply drift apart and never communicate their needs until they either have affairs or one of them reaches a breaking point and decides to speak with a divorce lawyer.
Different Life Goals
When couples get married, they have needs that they want each other to meet. At the start of a marriage, these needs are met as you build new routines and rules in your relationship. However, as time progresses, you no longer have the needs you originally did, and your desire for the relationship inevitably shifts.
A woman who wed young because she wanted to be a mother has a baby, and as her child grows, she might struggle to define what she needs from her husband. And likewise, a man could find that his deep need for emotional validation has been met by his spouse, and now, he has other desires that may not easily be satisfied by the current structure of his relationship.
It is common for couples to find themselves wanting different things in life eight years into a marriage. This can be even more so the case when they married early in adulthood.
The radical changes that a person goes through from ages 20 to 30 can leave them feeling confused and disconnected from their partner. Neither spouse is who they were when they got married, and who they’ve become may no longer align with one another’s goals.
Life may also start to feel boring instead of comfortable. One partner or the other may feel little to no motivation to spend with their spouse and may start spending more time away from home.
Lack of Intimacy
Romance changes over the course of a relationship, but it should never disappear completely. Unfortunately, many couples find themselves living with a spouse who feels more like a roommate than a romantic partner.
Physical and emotional intimacy are both important in different ways. And each couple’s unique needs and preferences can ultimately complicate how well they are able to understand and fulfill one another’s expectations in their relationship.
The goal in a healthy marriage is to stay present with one another and continue to learn each other’s needs as you grow together. Sometimes, despite each partner’s best efforts, they are unable to bridge the gap that’s grown between them, and their lack of intimacy ultimately causes them to fall out of love with one another.
It is also a lack of intimacy that can lay the groundwork for future affairs. Despite moral objections they may have, a person can find themselves being drawn to someone else because they are present and willing to be there for them in a way their spouse either doesn’t know how to be or doesn’t want to be.
The mid-life crisis is not something to take lightly; it is a driving catalyst in many divorces as people begin to question who they are, what they really want out of life, and whether their current marriage factors into their big picture.
As couples enter their 30s and 40s together, they may come to make drastically different realizations about themselves and their goals in life. The spouse who was once loved for being spontaneous could now be seen as non-committal or too impulsive by a partner who is craving more structure and stability in their life. Likewise, a person who is now realizing they want to take more risks and experience new things may strike their more grounded spouse as flighty and unreliable.
It is important for couples to realize that although they may be different people they do not have to grow apart. However, if their individual growth pulls them in different directions, an amicable divorce can be a way to end their marriage peacefully.
Money is necessary for independence, growth, and stability. Although it may not be able to buy happiness, it does contribute to a person’s sense of security and well-being.
Couples who lack financial stability can find themselves struggling emotionally and taking their frustration out on one another. Likewise, issues can arise over differences in financial priorities. You may find yourself arguing over how to divide bills, how much to save, or what you should buy with your money. Some people even go so far as to conceal assets from their spouses by creating accounts that only they have access to or investing in assets like stocks without consulting their partners.
In any case, money problems are a major contributor to divorce, and they can worsen existing issues within the relationship.
Too Much Conflict
Arguments are not always loud and disruptive. Many couples find themselves holding out on their partner, not being honest about their feelings, and repressing emotions that only create a gap between them. Whether you have long, drawn-out fights or have been using passive-aggressive behavior to “get back” at one another, conflict in any form can eventually erode your relationship.
Couples therapy is usually the best place to begin working through differences, and many people find that individual counseling can also help them handle difficult emotions more constructively in their relationships. Ultimately, to overcome conflict in the relationship, both spouses must be willing to take accountability where it is needed and take the appropriate measures to improve their relationship. When one or both parties acknowledge that it is time to part ways, however, the next step is to consult with a divorce lawyer.
Connect with a New Jersey Divorce Attorney Today
If you are contemplating a divorce and would like professional advice, please contact the law office of Kelly Berton Rocco. You can reach our Hackensack, New Jersey office at (201) 343-0078, or you can submit the contact form that is on our website to schedule a consultation.